The White House press secretary today announced a new product in the long line of merchandise the President has been selling his adoring fans—a Donald J. Trump 24k gold gasoline powered smart phone, which his Green-New-Deal-hating followers are sure to love. No more wasting time charging, worrying about the power going out, or windmills killing whales for electricity. Don’t worry, the phone only gets 2 HPG (hours per gallon), so you will be frequently showing off your patriotism, as you use the mini gas can (included FREE) to fill your phone with 100% grade-A US gasoline. Burn baby, burn!
The new phone will be available for only $1,999.99* at whitehouse.gov, which Elon Musk has moved to the Shopify platform for the President, enabling the online sales of all his merchandise. Don’t forget to get your Trump gold sneakers to complete your look!
*A 20% surcharge will be added to account for the new import tariff, as with all Trump merchandise, it is made in China.