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Build a fort with the couch cushions.
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Scrapbook with his mom.
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Binge watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Supergirl.
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Paint a better picture of himself taking a bath than the one by his stupid brother George.
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Work on his "Veto Corleone" impression.
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Build a Donald Trump piñata.
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Finally finish the first Harry Potter book.
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Have a sleepover at Mom and Dad’s house.
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Find out what this Facebook is all about.
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Make prank calls to Trump Towers.
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Leader of the Freedom House Caucus, Justin Amash (R - MI) today announced the nomination of a traffic cone for Speaker of the House. The Freedom House Caucus has threatened to vote down every other candidate up till now, claiming that they were not conservative enough.
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Des Moines - In a press conference today, Hillary Clinton finally offered a position on the XL pipeline, coming out against it. She had been resistant to offering her opinion on most issues to this point. Her diminishing lead in the polls and pressure from voters may have been behind her new forthcomingness.
When pressed to give her positions on other issues, Clinton stated, "I'm really on the side of whatever Bernie Sanders has supported for the last few decades, but I reserve the right to amend those positions depending on upcoming poll numbers." Asked if she would be open to more Democratic debates, Clinton said, "I'm perfectly open to more debates, but it is really up to my campaign manager Debbie Wasserman Schultz...ehhh...I mean DNC Chairperson, Debbie Wasserman Schultz." Clinton added that her full position paper could be found on her website at www.berniesanders.com
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TRUMP BY THE NUMBERS
New polls suggest that Donald Trump may be maxing out his support in his bid for President in 2016. Trump has failed to increase support outside of his core demographic support groups. A recent Quiniticuit University poll shows that the vast majority of Trump's support comes from limited demographic groups, with 55.5% of his support coming from only two groups, "guys with barking dogs chained in their backyards" and "men who think FoxNews is too liberal." In two key demographic groups, women and latinos, he has not been able to garner virtually any support (outside the Palin family.) While this may be enough to give him victories in bumfuck states like Iowa and New Hampshire, it may be a sign of problems in more progressive states and certainly in the general election.
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After Fox News' first GOP Presidential debate devolved into nothing more than two hours of each candidate making outlandish claims about how big a wall they would build and how many abortions they would prevent, CNN was scrambling to provide a format for the next debate that would produce more substantive results. They stole a page right from Fox's own playbook, copying the format of Fox's hit show, Are Your Smarter Than a 5th Grader. Last night's debate, moderated by Jeff Foxworthy, featured the GOP candidates debating precocious 5th graders (or 3rd graders in the earlier debate for the candidates that did not make the top 11.)