- Details
President-elect Trump announced today, that once in office, his first act will be to pass an executive order officially replacing the period with the exclamation mark as the grammatically correct way to end all sentences. Much of President-elect Trump's time lately has been increasingly devoted to Twitter wars with "grammar Nazis" who have criticized him for the overuse of exclamation marks.
Trump told reporters, "Periods are for low-energy people! I'm not going to spend my presidency arguing about punctuation! I graduated magma comma laundry (sic) from Wharton, I don't need some loser English professor from Bumfuck State University making $40k a year telling me what punctuation marks to use!"
- Details
President-elect Trump has selected Governor Chris Christie to head the new “Food Security Department.” Christie’s responsibilities will entail trying all President Trump’s food before it is given to the president.
President-elect Trump said, “Chris is a great man. He is uniquely qualified for this position...he’s fiercely loyal, has an insatiable appetite, and he’s expendable.”
- Details
New York - A new poll from Monolith Polling suggests that despite Sanders’ endorsement of Clinton, Sanders’ supporters have moved on to the “next big thing”, and she will get very little help from them in November.
Only 1% of those 35 or younger, identifying themselves as “Sanders’ supporters”, said they would vote for Clinton in November. 95% of them said they would not vote at all and would instead be playing Pokémon GO.
- Details
After scrambling to find people willing to speak at the GOP Convention in Cleveland, the Trump campaign today released a list of scheduled speakers. Trump tweeted, "I think everyone will be quite amazed at the really great lineup I've put together for the convention #bringcheckbook."
- Details
Cleveland is planning to pollute and set on fire the Cuyahoga River to coincide with the Republican National Convention in July. The polluting and subsequent igniting of the river will be used to celebrate and symbolize the GOP’s determination to eliminate the EPA (or as Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump calls it, “The Department of Environment.”)
Earlier this week, Cleveland’s Department of Public Works started dumping toxic sludge and oil into the river. Department head, Ernesto Juarez estimated that it would take several months of intensive dumping to have the river to flammable level by the time of the convention.