Making good on his promise of a new healthcare plan to replace Obamacare, today President Trump released details of his own plan, featuring a "miracle" cure-all elixir.
Under the new plan, people will no longer be covered by government-subsidized insurance or expanded Medicare, but you will be able to buy bottles of Rube-i-tussin™Freedom-Care elixir from the TrumpRx website. In a press conference, President Trump claimed, "The new elixir will do everything Obamacare did and much, much more!" The president went on to say, "it cures Arrhythmia, cancer, Kung-flu, smallpox, gunshots, wokeness, gingivitis, lumbago, atheism, tonsillitis, liberal bias, malaria, ulcers, diarrhea, toothaches, Islam, fallen arches, herpes, homosexuality, lymphoma, boils, constipation, nearsightedness, farsightedness, hangnails, broken bones, colitis It's time to get the government out of your doctor's office and fix all that ails you with a nice fresh bottle of Rube-i-tussin™ (now with bleach.)"
n the White House introduction, Lindsey Graham (R - SC) later brought up a ruddy-faced child, whom he introduced as "Timmy," who appeared to have a severe case of pinkeye, to whom he promptly administered two teaspoons of Rube-i-tussin™. The child was later brought back with what appeared to be a slightly improved case of pinkeye.
President Trump added, “Of course, the tremendous elixir will be available to people with pre-existing conditions as well, possibly at a 10% discount. President Trump orchestrated the rollout with an emergency executive order, claiming people can't trust their health to a plan passed by a black man.