- Details
Washington DC: The White House announced today, that all tariffs will be set daily by countries competing on a prime-time game show called "The Tariff is Right". President Trump will host the show where representatives from all our trading partners will compete to set the rate of their tariffs for the coming day. The Friday night tariffs will be in effect till the Monday night show. The show will feature a giant wheel which will allow the tariff to be set anywhere from 5% to 200%. The President said, "This will be the highest rated show in the world, like nothing anyone has ever seen. The numbers will be huge. People tell me I'm a genius for coming up with this; some saying maybe I have an IQ even higher than Einstein's." Kristi Noem will co-host the show, featuring elaborate cosplay costumes each night.
- Details
President Trump has barricaded himself in the Oval Office and refuses to come out, after DOGE fired his entire Secret Service Detail. Apparently, one of Elon Musk’s child laborers was combing through expense entries in the early hours of Monday morning and flagged the entire detail for termination.
- Details
White House officials claim to have been tricked by the Russians after allowing KGB surveillance specialists into the oval office during a meeting with President Donald Trump and Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov and Russian Ambassador to the US Sergey Kislyak. White House spokesman, Harvey Liesaton, said, “They told us they were Foreign Minister Lavrov’s ‘personal cable guys’, so we really didn’t think anything of it. If they had been honest and told us they were KGB, we may not have let them in there.”
- Details
Washington, D.C. - On the heels of electing the first black president, the United States has knocked down another barrier by electing the world’s first internet troll, Donald J. Trump, to head of state. Della Katflour, spokesperson for the ACLU said, “This is a great day for what has been a long stigmatized element of our society. I think we will see internet trolls everywhere coming out of the darkness of their parent’s basements and proudly tweeting in the light of day.”
- Details
President-elect Trump has decided to auction off his remaining cabinet positions and ambassadorships on eBay to raise money for the Trump Foundation. Eric Trump, who is a real whiz with eBay, loaded all the 420 remaining positions on eBay for his Dad. Bidding has been brisk, with the Tahitian ambassadorship holding the highest bid so far at $899,000.00.
Trump spokesperson, Anita Borshun, said, “Mr. Trump has grown bored with the whole process, and he’s already given positions to all his major donors that wanted one, so now he figures why not raise some quick cash. He had no idea there were so many cushy jobs to give away.”