Trump's Chief of Staff, Mick Mulvaney, announced today that all world leaders attending next June's G7 meeting at Doral will be upgraded to an Ambassador suite at no cost, by simply attending a 45 minute timeshare presentation. Mulvaney went on to say, "Clearly, President Trump is not going to receive any monetary gain by hosting the G7 conference. These upgrades are worth $300 a night, and the attendees will be getting them for free. President Trump will probably lose money because of his immense generosity." When asked if the mandatory attendance of the presentation constituted quid pro quo, Mulvaney responded, "of course it does, this is how we always operate." Mulvaney later walked back this statement, saying he thought "quid pro quo" was Latin for "absolutely free."
Secretary of State Pompeo will be conducting the 45 minute presentations. Attendees that are not heads of state can also participate, but will receive two free spa treatments instead of the room upgrade. Secretary Pompeo expects all available timeshares to be sold out by conference end.
At a brief press conference on the White House lawn, President Trump said, "The Trump Doral Resort is probably the world's greatest resort. It's tremendous! This will probably be the greatest and bestest G7 meeting the world will have ever seen. The Ambassador suites are fit for kings. Most of these Europeans have never stayed any place so nice. Rooms in Europe are so small. You could fit six of those shithole European rooms inside just one of these suites. These leaders will thank me like no one has ever been thanked before once they see these suites."