TRUMP BY THE NUMBERS

New polls suggest that Donald Trump may be maxing out his support in his bid for President in 2016. Trump has failed to increase support outside of his core demographic support groups.  A recent Quiniticuit University poll shows that the vast majority of Trump's support comes from limited demographic groups, with 55.5% of his support coming from only two groups, "guys with barking dogs chained in their backyards" and "men who think FoxNews is too liberal." In two key demographic groups, women and latinos, he has not been able to garner virtually any support (outside the Palin family.) While this may be enough to give him victories in bumfuck states like Iowa and New Hampshire, it may be a sign of problems in more progressive states and certainly in the general election.

After reviewing game films of last week's Steelers loss, Pittsburgh Steelers coach Mike Tomlin filed cheating charges with the NFL league offices, claiming the Patriots used 11 players on a Rob Gronkowski touchdown.  Gronkowski was left uncovered by the Steelers, allowing the Patriots an easy first half touchdown. Tomlin later withdrew the complaint when the league offices reminded him that teams were allowed (and in fact encouraged) to field 11 players. Tomlin seemed unaware of this league rule, often times fielding only 10 players during the game. 

After Fox News' first GOP Presidential debate devolved into nothing more than two hours of each candidate making outlandish claims about how big a wall they would build and how many abortions they would prevent, CNN was scrambling to provide a format for the next debate that would produce more substantive results. They stole a page right from Fox's own playbook, copying the format of Fox's hit show, Are Your Smarter Than a 5th Grader. Last night's debate, moderated by Jeff Foxworthy, featured the GOP candidates debating precocious 5th graders (or 3rd graders in the earlier debate for the candidates that did not make the top 11.) 

While looking for old furniture to refurbish with kitschy paint schemes, Verizon Junior Executive Julie Woodbottom miraculously purchased AOL for $10 at a yard sale. With the purchase, Verizon is now able to offer dial-up internet service along with their flagship FIOS high-speed internet.