In an interview on the PBS News Hour, reporter Fred Harken asked Republican candidate Donald Trump how he could justify the expense of a Mexican border wall when new Pew data clearly shows that Mexicans are actually leaving the US and not coming in — Mr. Trump surprised him by showing remarkable candor, saying, "Look Fred, I'm going to tell you something I probably shouldn't, but no one watches your stupid channel anyhow. I'm not building a wall to keep Mexicans out...that's just the story for the dummies voting. I'm building the wall to keep them in. Have you ever tried to run a hotel with white people? Christ...Americans are lazy assholes, I'd be out of business in 10 minutes if I didn't have all these Mexicans to keep my hotels cleaned and maintained. Damn those people work like fiends for peanuts. If you're white...a guy like Gary Busey can become a rich celebrity. So you can imagine the ignoramuses I'd be dealing with trying to staff my businesses with Americans?" Trump went on, "And it's not just me Fred, I talk to a lot of farmers...farmers love me... well you know that, everyone loves me. They say, 'Mr. Trump, what are you doing? You're going to put us out of business with that wall.' I just give them a little wink and and a nod, and tell them not to worry. They get it. It's only all the other dummies that I tell it's to keep them out." 

The new report from Pew Research clearly shows that Trump has reason to be worried. Net immigration from Mexico since 2009 was negative 140,000.

In an awkward on-air debate this past Thursday, Fox Business Network anchor Neil Cavuto destroyed 2 ¾ year old Tanisha Jones of the Million Student March over issues ranging from a $15 minimum wage to free public education. Jones kept up for a while, but wilted under the barrage of "but who's going to pay for it?" questions from a smug Cavuto, finally having to leave after 8 minutes with a poopy diaper.

With what could be the most damaging salvo yet in the liberal war on Christmas, Starbucks annual holiday cup was revealed this week, and to the shock and horror of Christians everywhere, the stark red cup featured only the Starbucks logo and none of the traditional Christian symbols of Christmas – snowmen, Santa, snowflakes, etc.

Donald Trump, avid church goer and devout Christian who formulates all his policy positions based on internet memes and Twitter posts, immediately called for a boycott of Starbucks.

Social media immediately lit up, with outraged Christians posting their displeasure and disappointment.

When asked about the controversy, Herman Hedman (VP of Marketing for Starbucks) responded, "To be perfectly honest, I think our cup designer procrastinated to the point that this was all he could come up with at the last minute." Starbucks has no immediate plans to change the cup. 

In an attempt to appeal to the far right, Marco Rubio’s stance on immigration has evolved once again. While campaigning at St. Anselm College in New Hampshire, Rubio hinted that he would be open to deporting ‘dreamers’.

When questioned further by reporters about why he would be against a path to citizenship considering that both his parents were immigrants, he doubled-down stating, “Even though my parents are US citizens, I wouldn’t be against deporting them as well, really I think anyone caught speaking Spanish should be deported. If you’re going to be in the US, you should speak our language -- English. Asked if that policy wouldn’t also affect him, Rubio said, “I guess so, if I’m elected, I’ll have myself deported immediately.”

1. Build a fort with the couch cushions.

2. Scrapbook with his mom.

3. Binge watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Supergirl.

4. Paint a better picture of himself taking a bath than the one by his stupid  brother George.

5. Work on his "Veto Corleone" impression.

6. Build a Donald Trump piñata.

7. Finally finish the first Harry Potter book.

8. Have a sleepover at Mom and Dad’s house.

9. Find out what this Facebook is all about.

10. Make prank calls to Trump Towers.

Leader of the Freedom House Caucus, Justin Amash (R - MI) today announced the nomination of a traffic cone for Speaker of the House. The Freedom House Caucus has threatened to vote down every other candidate up till now, claiming that they were not conservative enough.

With public outrage growing over the Benghazi committee, which has gone on longer than the Watergate committee and has cost taxpayers in excess of $5 million, and has now been exposed by House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) as simply a scheme to politically ruin Hillary Clinton, GOP leaders are forming a new committee to decide on the focus for a post-Benghazi committee.

Des Moines - In a press conference today, Hillary Clinton finally offered a position on the XL pipeline, coming out against it. She had been resistant to offering her opinion on most issues to this point. Her diminishing lead in the polls and pressure from voters may have been behind her new forthcomingness. 

When pressed to give her positions on other issues, Clinton stated, "I'm really on the side of whatever Bernie Sanders has supported for the last few decades, but I reserve the right to amend those positions depending on upcoming poll numbers."  Asked if she would be open to more Democratic debates, Clinton said, "I'm perfectly open to more debates, but it is really up to my campaign manager Debbie Wasserman Schultz...ehhh...I mean DNC Chairperson, Debbie Wasserman Schultz." Clinton added that her full position paper could be found on her website at www.berniesanders.com

BERLIN - On the heels of VW's emissions cheating scandal, today VW CEO Martin Winterkorn admitted that the ads they ran in the 1990's claiming that their cars provided "Fahrvergnügen" may have been exaggerations.  Claims of "Fahrvergnügen", translated as "driving enjoyment" are now being investigated by the U.S. Justice Department.