Verizon Vice President of Operations, Charlie Schmell said, “We had an underserved demographic of fairly dim Baby Boomers who were unable to wrap their arms around the concept of high speed internet. After spending 8 to 24 hours on the phone with AOL support in the 1990’s to get their original email setup, they still aren’t ready to go through the trauma of switching to a new provider.”

Most AOL subscribers seem to be blithely unaware of the sale. When asked what she thought of the merger, Carol Kracher (a 22 yr. AOL subscriber) asked, “It will still say ‘You’ve got mail’, won’t it?”  Other concerns were whether email addresses would be changed to @verizon.net.  Verizon VP, Charlie Schmell assured AOL subscribers that their AOL email addresses would remain unchanged, “We know most AOL users have had the same email for over 25 years, asking them to go through the simple process of letting people know their email is changing would just be too burdensome, and they would no longer be able to receive their vast oceans of spam emails that can only be amassed by having the same AOL email for 25 years. The AOL email also provides the important service of letting other people know that they’re dealing with someone that is incapable of understanding even the most basic elements of technology.”

Wall Street was apparently left scratching their heads, as shares of Verizon dropped 6% in early trading.  UBS analyst, Harold Pennyworth stated, “I don’t get it. This would be like Apple buying Coleco or Commodore 64.”