11-05-2015

Marco Rubio Agrees to Deport Himself if Elected

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In an attempt to appeal to the far right, Marco Rubio’s stance on immigration has evolved once again. While campaigning at St. Anselm College in New Hampshire, Rubio hinted that he would be open to deporting ‘dreamers’.

When questioned further by reporters about why he would be against a path to citizenship considering that both his parents were immigrants, he doubled-down stating, “Even though my parents are US citizens, I wouldn’t be against deporting them as well, really I think anyone caught speaking Spanish should be deported. If you’re going to be in the US, you should speak our language -- English. Asked if that policy wouldn’t also affect him, Rubio said, “I guess so, if I’m elected, I’ll have myself deported immediately.”

Questioned about whether this new stance wouldn’t hurt him in the general election, Rubio responded, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but American voters seem unaware and/or unconcerned about politicians changing their views constantly. I have no doubt my views on immigration may evolve again at that time.”

Rubio’s new stance seems to be an obvious attempt to go directly after Trump’s base. When asked about Rubio’s new immigration platform, Trump responded, “He’s a loser -- too lazy to come up with his own immigration policy, so he copies mine. Trust me, the first thing I’ll do is send that loser back to Cuba on my first day in office. Then I’ll build a giant wall in the sea between Cuba and us, no strike that, two walls with a pool full of sharks between them. Don’t get me wrong...I love Cubans, and they love me, but those dirty communists belong in Cuba, not here.”

Last modified on 11-05-2015