Columbus, Ohio - Lawyers for the terrorist group ISIS today filed suit in federal district court alleging the the RNC platform committee lifted much of the Republican platform directly from their website. ISIS lawyer, Haider Salami said, “We understand the anti-gay rhetoric, that’s ‘hate-group 101’, we all use that, but the document on a whole so closely mimics our platform, that it’s almost inconceivable that they didn’t copy it directly from our web site. And it states clearly at the bottom of our site, ‘All material copyright © ISIS 2016’. This is a clear violation of international copyright law.” 

Cleveland is planning to pollute and set on fire the Cuyahoga River to coincide with the Republican National Convention in July. The polluting and subsequent igniting of the river will be used to celebrate and symbolize the GOP’s determination to eliminate the EPA (or as Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump calls it, “The Department of Environment.”)

Earlier this week, Cleveland’s Department of Public Works started dumping toxic sludge and oil into the river. Department head, Ernesto Juarez estimated that it would take several months of intensive dumping to have the river to flammable level by the time of the convention.